


The Beauty of this Mess

by intoeternity



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extended Scene, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 14:25:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14334408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoeternity/pseuds/intoeternity
Summary: “Clary, I think I’m – I think I’m losing my mind.” Jace looks up at her and she can see tears forming in his eyes.Extended scene from 304 because this was just begging to be written.





	The Beauty of this Mess

_Sleep baby sleep_  
_What are you waiting for?_  
_The morning's on its way_  
_You know it's only just a dream_  
_Oh sleep baby sleep_  
_I lie next to you_  
_The beauty of this mess is that it brings me close to you_  
  
“Sleep Baby Sleep”, Broods

\------------

“Clary, I think I’m – I think I’m losing my mind.” Jace looks up at her and she can see tears forming in his eyes. The bustle of their fellow shadowhunters outside his room falls away and all she hears is Jace’s shaky breathing. He looks like a lost child and Clary’s heart breaks.

With no words, she leans in, closing the distance between them. Clary wraps one arm tightly around his lower back, her other across his broad shoulders. Jace is stiff in her arms for a fraction of a second before he melts into her embrace, clinging to her like she’s his only anchor in the raging storm going on inside his head. Clary grips him more firmly so he knows she’s there, and he settles deeper into her arms.

Her hand comes up to the nape of his neck and she gently rubs her fingers through his golden hair. A small sigh escapes his lips, the sound slightly muffled by her hair. She feels Jace relax even more, tucking his head into the crook of her neck. Clary feels moisture on her skin and realizes that Jace’s tears have finally broken free. He shudders in her arms and sucks in a breath, but makes no other sound. She moves her hand lower, tracing the muscles of his back, making soothing motions up and down.

Time passes and neither is sure just how long they sit there like that on Jace’s bed. Eventually Clary is the first to move. She pulls away slowly, running her hands down his biceps. She’s careful not to break their contact, if only to help keep him grounded. His gaze is cast downward, and even as she leans back, Jace won’t meet her eyes.

“Jace–” she starts, but hesitates when he continues to sit there in silence. He moves, swiping at the dampness on his cheeks. He still won’t look her in the eyes and she’s not sure what to do. She starts again, her thumb mindlessly rubbing small circles on his arm. “Jace, you should try and get some sleep.”

Jace glances up and Clary sees the look on his face, one of uncertainty and something close to fear and it startles her. He moves to grab her forearms and after another moment she hears him. “Please,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. Her heart sinks; he thinks she’s going to leave him. Clary’s hand travels up Jace’s arm and gently cups his face. He leans into her touch and he _breathes_. “Jace, I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here,” she assures him. “Come on, let’s get you in bed.” 

Clary stands up and quickly walks over to shut the door to Jace’s room, blocking out the hum of the institute. She makes a short detour and drops the shades on his windows, veiling the room in darkness, then hurries back towards Jace.

She’s not used to seeing him like this, vulnerable and defenseless and _scared_. If she’s being perfectly honest, it scares her. But she needs to be the strong one now; he needs her, like he needs his stupid leather jackets and the cocky bravado he wears like armor. Jace hasn’t moved from his spot on the edge of the bed and she doesn’t think he’s quite registered her movements either. Clary stoops down in front of him, resting her hands on his thighs. His shoulders are slumped and his gaze is on the floor once again. Clary moves her hands down his legs and starts untying his boots. She pulls them off one at a time and tosses them to the side of his bed.

“A little help here,” she says quietly, nodding towards his jeans, a small smile on her face. Almost mechanically, he undoes the button and zipper on his pants and starts to push them down past his hips. She finishes the job for him and tosses them next to his shoes. She quickly toes off her own shoes, undoes her thigh holster, and slips off her pants, leaving them in a haphazard pile next to Jace’s things.

Gently, she shifts his legs to the side and pulls the comforter and blankets down. Without a word and without any prompting from Clary, Jace lays back into the pile of pillows at the head of his bed, turns on his side away from her, and curls his legs up towards his chest. It’s almost as if he’s balling himself up to keep everything in, to keep himself _together_. Out in the field and on missions, Jace is big and intimidating. Here though, in the center of his huge bed, he looks so young and small.

Clary slides into bed behind him, pulls the covers up with her, and curls around his back. Her arm goes around him and she draws him closer. He grabs onto her hand, interlocking their fingers, and settles back into her. There’s not even an inch of space between them; it’s impossible to tell where he ends and she begins. Clary presses soft kisses along his shoulder and up to his neck. “I love you,” she murmurs into his ear. Jace doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t trust his voice right now, but he nods slightly.

They stay like that, locked in each other’s embrace, as Clary whispers soothing words to him. _It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere_. His breathing evens out after a few minutes and she knows he’s asleep. She refuses to lose any other people that she loves and vows to herself that she’ll get Jace help in the morning. But for now, she holds him.

**Author's Note:**

> A big thanks to Kika for the encouragement and inspiration. I definitely would not have posted this if it wasn't for you ♥


End file.
